Current Mood: what if?
We just passed Armed Forces Day, and it's almost Memorial Day. In addition to several new relatives (that officially became a part of my family when I married Jenny last July) that currently or have served in the military, I'm proud to say my little brother is an enlisted Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been told it's not cool to post specifics about his service, so I'll just say he joined this year, he's been in Texas (I got to see him recently for the first time since he left), and he's in contracting (not a contractor, per se, he doesn't hang drywall, but he's more about the paperwork).
At some point he'll be leaving for a far away place to do Air Force things. He's always been a few hours drive away from me, so having to think of Skype as the easiest way to see him isn't easy to get used to. It will definitely shake up our family holidays (like we haven't had enough of that!) and I think my mom's taking it the hardest (like I said, totally allowed). I think he'll enjoy it, though, and I wish him all the best.
Bradley's now an Airman. My friend Brant just joined the Army. Another friend (Benji) almost joined several branches. It makes me think about how at one point, I almost joined ROTC to help pay for college, and how differently my life would have turned out.
Even beyond that, though, there's a deeper significance I put on being in the military, and I wish I could tell you it was purely a noble, self-sacrificing, guarding your country and fellow man kind of thing. Really, it's a pretty stereotypical guy kinda thing.
Ugh. I know I'm not going to explain this well.
Let me back up. Growing up, I sometimes felt jealous of other people who had a strong sense of identity. They played sports and loved their team/school (I did not - at least not until I got Purdue, I think that's part of why I love this school so much). They had some sort of ethnic heritage and celebrated unique holidays (I did not). They were religious and had special ceremonies (I did not). They had groups to belong to and rites to go with them. Basically, growing up, it seems like boys around me had plenty of opportunities to "prove" themselves to be Men with a capital M. I'm talking about Eagle Scouts, Bar Mitzvahs, Mission Calls, stuff like that. Some sort of rite of passage they took on to emerge on the other side as...I dunno, as adults, as men. They were confirmed, they were sports guys, they went hunting with their dads... something they could point to as accomplishment.
The military? Well, that's definitely one of those things. I consider that one of the oldest and truest tests of self, of confidence, of courage, and of manliness. I dunno, it's strange - I never really want to be in combat, to fear for my life, to have to risk everything, to have to possibly take another person's life - and yet, I wonder if I would ever have what it takes. Does that make any sense? On some level, I wonder if I could do it, if I could stand up and face that.
Mom suggested my back surgery as a test that I passed, and I shot it down - I didn't pick that. That experience was something that happened to me and I dealt with it the best I could (still do, even). Getting married and being a husband didn't make me feel like any more of a Man. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and I will do my best to provide for her and take care of her, but most days it feels just like when we were engaged (or dating)...and honestly, she's the one who provides for us right now.
I dunno, maybe this all comes back to feeling like I'm never going to be done with school. I never finished engineering - I never got the diploma or the ring. I don't feel like an engineer. I never finished my flight lessons. I don't feel like a pilot. I don't have my A&P [yet]. I don't feel like a mechanic.
Some days, I wonder what to call myself. UGH, that sounded so stupid.
Showing posts with label blues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blues. Show all posts
5.28.2012
5.27.2012
closing in
Current Mood: removed from the bubble
Another semester finished (around the first week of May) at Purdue, which means I am down to just 2 semesters. One more school year. My "senior" year, for real. One last summer break (during which I am happy to be busy with my internship!), one last set of holidays, one last winter break, one last spring break - the familiar school routine I've had since grade school. Only 2 more sets of finals!
I learned a ton of new stuff. I'm really glad I took my extra 490 classes - I gained some unique experience doing hangar maintenance, as well as some confidence doing hands-on work in my field. My fuels class really let me gain a rapport with one of my professors, and I learned some things about the industry that are outside the books, stuff they don't test you on but I feel like helps me understand the big picture. I even managed to get my best grade in electronics yet, which has always been a struggle for me.
My senior year will be somewhat front loaded, with something like 18 credit hours in the fall and probably about 13 in the spring - I wanted to try and take Air Traffic Control classes, but my schedule would not allow it. This includes senior design (both semesters), which I've heard horror stories of in terms of time commitment. I'd like to balance that out a little, but hopefully this way I can spend more time (especially in the spring) on job searching (and A&P prep)! That's right, honest to goodness, college graduate, real world, time to be an adult and look for gainful employment job searching. I can't wait!
After 8 years of Purdue (with one more to go), it's time for me to fly. I have to trust that just like retiring from the Ship of Fools, this is the right move. There's definitely part of me that's somewhat institutionalized - I love Purdue, and I love knowing exactly where everything is, where to go and who to talk to for anything I need or want, knowing where the best food is, the quickest routes, stuff like that. Feeling like a king around campus, because I have insider knowledge and my finger on the pulse of what's important. I have family and friends close by, we have an awesome apartment filled with all of my favorite things - why would I go anyplace else?
Of course, if I go someplace new, I'm sure I can recapture those feelings - it just takes time and effort. And let's be realistic, when I finally graduate, more than likely we will be moving. Most of the jobs in my field are in Washington, California, Texas (ugh), Florida, DC, places like that. As awful as it would be for J to leave her school that she loves and fought so hard to get, the reality is that she'll have an easier time finding a school near my job than vice versa. I'm not opposed to staying here - if I could find something, or somebody would pay for my grad school, sure, I'm just not sure how plausible that scenario is.
That all said, I'm feeling surprisingly optimistic about the job search (ask me again in a year, haha). I'm doing very well with my new major, especially grades wise. My cumulative grades (including that debacle half decade in engineering) have finally been pulled, kicking and screaming, to the floor of acceptable. My major GPA is rockin'. My professors like me and know me (one of my professors asked me in March if I had anything lined up for the summer, and when I told him my internship was pending, he told me if it didn't work out he'd "find something for me"). I see my professors in the hall and they say hi to me, and they know my name, which is a great feeling. Something I didn't even consider when I switched to this smaller program, but definitely something I like.
Some of my classmates have gotten internships at some places I'd love to work (Lockheed, Rolls Royce, Gulfstream, etc.). So it can definitely be done! I just have to buckle down, put my head down and power through. One more year of classes, books, and exams. One last year to do all the Purdue stuff I've put off (not that much), and then graduate. Oh, and take my A&P test *shudder*. Plus, I have got to stop paying for school and start paying down loans. That's...that's all I'm going to talk about that subject for now.
This May has been so weird. Seniors in my major are leaving, and I had just started to feel like I was getting to know them. Now I'm going to be those seniors. Another group of people (all majors, lots from the improv club and Ship of Fools, little siblings of people I started college with) graduating, some of which started schools years after I did, and now I've watched the grow up and now it's time to say goodbye. I'm extremely proud of them and happy for them, but there's a tiny bit that stings. Something about seeing them come and go, instead of being the one leaving. Seeing Facebook blow up with statuses and pictures of caps and gowns and sappy goodbyes. I have plenty of great stuff to take from my time at Purdue already, and I'm sure I will look back on my time here fondly, but right now I see a lot of frustration, wasted time and opportunity, and spinning wheels on my part. Never, never thought I'd be one of those old guy students who spent more than 4 (even 5) years to finish his undergrad degree.
UGH. Gotta push those stupid feelings away and get down to business.
Another semester finished (around the first week of May) at Purdue, which means I am down to just 2 semesters. One more school year. My "senior" year, for real. One last summer break (during which I am happy to be busy with my internship!), one last set of holidays, one last winter break, one last spring break - the familiar school routine I've had since grade school. Only 2 more sets of finals!
I learned a ton of new stuff. I'm really glad I took my extra 490 classes - I gained some unique experience doing hangar maintenance, as well as some confidence doing hands-on work in my field. My fuels class really let me gain a rapport with one of my professors, and I learned some things about the industry that are outside the books, stuff they don't test you on but I feel like helps me understand the big picture. I even managed to get my best grade in electronics yet, which has always been a struggle for me.
My senior year will be somewhat front loaded, with something like 18 credit hours in the fall and probably about 13 in the spring - I wanted to try and take Air Traffic Control classes, but my schedule would not allow it. This includes senior design (both semesters), which I've heard horror stories of in terms of time commitment. I'd like to balance that out a little, but hopefully this way I can spend more time (especially in the spring) on job searching (and A&P prep)! That's right, honest to goodness, college graduate, real world, time to be an adult and look for gainful employment job searching. I can't wait!
After 8 years of Purdue (with one more to go), it's time for me to fly. I have to trust that just like retiring from the Ship of Fools, this is the right move. There's definitely part of me that's somewhat institutionalized - I love Purdue, and I love knowing exactly where everything is, where to go and who to talk to for anything I need or want, knowing where the best food is, the quickest routes, stuff like that. Feeling like a king around campus, because I have insider knowledge and my finger on the pulse of what's important. I have family and friends close by, we have an awesome apartment filled with all of my favorite things - why would I go anyplace else?
Of course, if I go someplace new, I'm sure I can recapture those feelings - it just takes time and effort. And let's be realistic, when I finally graduate, more than likely we will be moving. Most of the jobs in my field are in Washington, California, Texas (ugh), Florida, DC, places like that. As awful as it would be for J to leave her school that she loves and fought so hard to get, the reality is that she'll have an easier time finding a school near my job than vice versa. I'm not opposed to staying here - if I could find something, or somebody would pay for my grad school, sure, I'm just not sure how plausible that scenario is.
That all said, I'm feeling surprisingly optimistic about the job search (ask me again in a year, haha). I'm doing very well with my new major, especially grades wise. My cumulative grades (including that debacle half decade in engineering) have finally been pulled, kicking and screaming, to the floor of acceptable. My major GPA is rockin'. My professors like me and know me (one of my professors asked me in March if I had anything lined up for the summer, and when I told him my internship was pending, he told me if it didn't work out he'd "find something for me"). I see my professors in the hall and they say hi to me, and they know my name, which is a great feeling. Something I didn't even consider when I switched to this smaller program, but definitely something I like.
Some of my classmates have gotten internships at some places I'd love to work (Lockheed, Rolls Royce, Gulfstream, etc.). So it can definitely be done! I just have to buckle down, put my head down and power through. One more year of classes, books, and exams. One last year to do all the Purdue stuff I've put off (not that much), and then graduate. Oh, and take my A&P test *shudder*. Plus, I have got to stop paying for school and start paying down loans. That's...that's all I'm going to talk about that subject for now.
This May has been so weird. Seniors in my major are leaving, and I had just started to feel like I was getting to know them. Now I'm going to be those seniors. Another group of people (all majors, lots from the improv club and Ship of Fools, little siblings of people I started college with) graduating, some of which started schools years after I did, and now I've watched the grow up and now it's time to say goodbye. I'm extremely proud of them and happy for them, but there's a tiny bit that stings. Something about seeing them come and go, instead of being the one leaving. Seeing Facebook blow up with statuses and pictures of caps and gowns and sappy goodbyes. I have plenty of great stuff to take from my time at Purdue already, and I'm sure I will look back on my time here fondly, but right now I see a lot of frustration, wasted time and opportunity, and spinning wheels on my part. Never, never thought I'd be one of those old guy students who spent more than 4 (even 5) years to finish his undergrad degree.
UGH. Gotta push those stupid feelings away and get down to business.
4.06.2008
the wrong side of the tracks
Current Mood: nostalgic
I found this on a friend's profile and thought it was funny, so I thought I'd share.
How to sing the Blues - a primer
1. Most Blues begins with: "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pound."
4. Teenagers can't sing the blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis."
5. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.
6. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking you leg 'cause an alligator be chomping on it is.
7. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
8. Good places for the Blues:
- Highway
- Jailhouse
- Empty bed
- Bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places for the Blues:
- Nordstrom's
- Gallery openings
- Ivy League institutions
- Golf courses
9. No on will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person and you slept in it.
10. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. You older than dirt
b. You blind
c. You shot a man in Memphis
d. You can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. You have all your teeth
b. You were once blind but now can see
c. The man in Memphis lived
d. You have 410K or trust fund
11. Blues is not a matter of colour. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
12. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues
Other acceptable beverages are:
a. Cheap wine
b. Whiskey or bourbon
c. Muddy water
d. Nasty black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim fast
13. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
It all kinda reminds me of that fateful car trip, and the legend of Spodiddly.
I found this on a friend's profile and thought it was funny, so I thought I'd share.
How to sing the Blues - a primer
1. Most Blues begins with: "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pound."
4. Teenagers can't sing the blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis."
5. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.
6. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking you leg 'cause an alligator be chomping on it is.
7. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
8. Good places for the Blues:
- Highway
- Jailhouse
- Empty bed
- Bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places for the Blues:
- Nordstrom's
- Gallery openings
- Ivy League institutions
- Golf courses
9. No on will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person and you slept in it.
10. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. You older than dirt
b. You blind
c. You shot a man in Memphis
d. You can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. You have all your teeth
b. You were once blind but now can see
c. The man in Memphis lived
d. You have 410K or trust fund
11. Blues is not a matter of colour. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
12. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues
Other acceptable beverages are:
a. Cheap wine
b. Whiskey or bourbon
c. Muddy water
d. Nasty black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim fast
13. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
It all kinda reminds me of that fateful car trip, and the legend of Spodiddly.
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