8 BOLD predictions for the 2009 NFL season: Way Too Early Edition

Current Mood: antsy

I've spent the offseason digging deep into the dark recesses of the internet to find articles about the draft, the CBA expiration, free agency, and a slew of of other things I wouldn't care about if there was actual football to watch. With all that information floating about in my head, I thought I'd put down for your viewing pleasure 8 bold predictions (one for each division) for the upcoming season:

AFC East (Bills, Dolphins, Patriots, Jets): Despite the acquisition of star receiver Terrell Owens, the Bills are going to finish last in this competitive group. Why? QB Trent Edwards doesn't have the physical skills to take advantage of such a weapon, nor does he have the charisma to control that kind of personality. T.O. has destroyed every club he's been with, and the financially struggling Bills made one last push for something to spark this franchise. Unfortunately, that's pretty much all they have, and it won't be enough.

AFC South (Texans, Colts, Jaguars, Titans): The Indianapolis Colts will miss the postseason for the first time in nearly a decade. The loss of head coach Tony Dungy will be mitigated by coach-in-waiting Jim Caldwell as part of a succession plan, but there have been two other key staff members lost in part because of retirement/money problems. WR Marvin Harrison is gone, and won't be back. Injury-riddled offseason. Joseph Addai is not producing like he used to, and the current stable of RBs in reserve will take time to find its stride. Peyton Manning ain't no spring chicken, either. Look for some other club to step up and take over the division crown (Texans, perhaps?).

AFC West (Broncos, Chiefs, Raiders, Chargers): Kyle Orton will outplay Jay Cutler. Denver has a powerful group of battle tested RBs and deep ball WRs as targets. Their defense will have improved enough that not every game has to be won in a shootout, and Orton will play with a chip on his shoulder. Enough to raise them over San Diego, who will be let down by L.T. (just like thousands of fantasy football fans the world over).

AFC North (Ravens, Bengals, Browns, Steelers): There will be three top 10 defenses from this division next year, and the newest member of the club will be the Bengals. Building on last year with some help from the draft and returning injured players, Cincinnati's defense will be much improved. Similarly, the offense gets a giant upgrade with the return of the God of Golden Arms, Carson "Human Juggs Machine" Palmer. These guys are gonna shock the league by earning a wild card berth behind the Steelers.

NFC East (Cowboys, Giants, Eagles, Redskins): At the start of the season, all four of these teams will look like Super Bowl bound teams. Gradually, three will be exposed as a fraud for different reasons. The Redskins, because shiny new toys like DT Albert Haynesworth can't save mediocre play from QB Jason Campbell for long. The Giants, because Eli Manning has already peaked and won't bounce back without dominant weapons like Plaxico Burress and "Earth, Wind, and Fire", his RB trio. The Eagles, because Donovan McNabb is wildly inconsistent, Brian Westbrook is too injury prone, and the defense has a lost a step with the loss of S Brian Dawkins. That leaves us with the Cowboys. My bold prediction is that after a very competitive regular season, Tony Romo will silence his critics by winning one playoff game.

NFC South (Falcons, Panthers, Saints, Buccaneers): Oh dear god, the Falcons are going to destroy every opponent they face this year. Last year rookie QB Matt Ryan took this club to the playoffs, and he's only going to be better this year (unlike Joe Flacco on the Ravens). Really, all you need to know about this group is that the Falcons have acquired 10x Pro Bowl TE Tony Gonzalez, meaning they have a trifecta of offense with WR Roddy White and RB Michael Turner. Look out.

NFC West (Cardinals, Rams, 49ers, Seahawks): Last year's Cinderella story (Cardinals) will be [barely] outplayed by the resurgent Seahawks in a mediocre battle for the division title. Matt Hasselbeck doesn't have much time left in the league, so the time is now for Seattle to make a push for the postseason. They have a strong defense (especially at linebacker) and won't have to rely on seventh and eighth string receivers after an incredible slew of injuries at WR last year.

NFC North (Bears, Lions, Packers, Vikings): Injury will knock Daunte Culpepper from the starting QB position early in the season, forcing rookie Matthew Stafford to step in. And the boy will produce, following in the footsteps of last year's breakout rookie quarterbacks. He will lead the hapless Lions to within one game of .500, a remarkable turnaround but ultimately falling short of making the playoffs. While I'm at it, I'll say they win on Thanksgiving, the first time since 2003.

BONUS PREDICTION: Brett Favre will stay retired.