"And they opened the poor boy up. And they hit *defragment brain*"

I don't know really what's been going on lately. Lots of mixed-up stuff that I'm still trying to sort out. I'm all mixed up inside. Lemme give ya the rundown.

BTW: I know to some I've been a little on-edge lately. To anybody I've offended, pissed off, saddenend, or alienated, I apologize.

College
*Purdue finally got around to sending me my financial aid package. Expensive, yes. Out-of-state tuition, yes. Possible? Yes. Any worse than sis (in-state at Miami)? No. Looks like loans for aero-boy for quite some time, but I'm thinking of work-study or something like that.
*Did not win uber Purdue alumni scholarship. That makes about the 10th scholarship I didn't make. I'm convinced there's some guy from St. X or something like that that's winning them all instead of me. Convinced.

Prom
*A single-tail Z-test yields a p-value that is equal to .02, which is significant at alpha= 5% and 1% levels, and provides significant evidence to reject the null hypothesis (that I am going to prom) in favor of the alternative hypothesis (that I am not going to prom).
*If you hear me say I'm not going to prom, you'll probably hear me say that the reason is because "I'm practicing to be a broke college student." This is a lie. Honestly, and I don't care what anybody thinks of this, I can't justify spending that much money (tux, flowers, dinner, tickets, etc.) on anybody less than a girlfriend at this point. My default programming includes the DOS. file on chivalry (that's how old that program is) and so I can't really go with a girl "as friends" because I'd pay for everything. I don't want to go with a stranger and risk that much on the slim chance I'll immediately like her. As far as friends go, I honestly believe a movie is more fun than all that work (and cheaper too) and I'd rather do that. It's too late, too much work, and too much stress for me right now. There.
*Besides, it's too late to get all that crap together.
*Besides, why mess up my perfect/only school dance from last year?
*Besides, I got screwed/edged out/too late for a date 3 times. Enough already!
*I do plan on going to afterprom. Here's to making an idiot of myself!
*I also plan on going to GE's afterprom, if I can swing it. Here's to old friends!

Flying
*May 1st was Sporty's Open House. Basically a big pilot convention where they showed off all the new pilot goodies, new airplanes, etc. Way cool. Got a free shirt, got to sit in a 3 million dollar jet (Citation Mk. II), hang out with some pilot buddies, and got free lunch.
*I miss flying. Badly.
*My instructor, Brian Hadyl, is leaving for a corporate airline job. Good luck to him (even though that means he can't finish my training, especially since I can't fly now). Bittersweet.

Work
*It's over. I went back to MWCC over the weekend to find that everything's changed. Amy had her baby, and she's gone. Kathy got in a car wreck, she's gone. Josie left (only the hottest girl ever to work there....) and I didn't get to say goodbye. Danny got fired. Half the residents I knew have died, to be replaced by more grumpy old people. I'm beginning to think that that place is bad for me. Mentally. It's depressing, and all the new kitchen people are assholes.
*I told Mike that I officially quit, especially since my doctor probably won't let me lift 'till I go to Purdue. This means I need a no-lifting job (preferably something with fun, no stress, and most importantly, hot single girls) over the summer for college $$$.
*My boss said I was the best underage person he'd ever had work there. When I left, he told my dad that I was a really great worker. He also left the job open to me to come back (breaks, next summer perhaps?) saying "if I ever came back, he'd make hours for me." w00t.
*Fond farewell to Bill, Don, Wendy, Mike, Kathy, Josie (and her sister Julie), Phyliss, Randy, Lee, Erin, Christy, George, and Sandy. You made my first job fun for 1 year and 4 months. Thanks for letting me listen to Queen on the kitchen radio every time I did dishes.

School/AP/SEAP crap
*English AP test tomorrow. I think I'll get a 3 or 4, but it all depends on the pieces we have to write about.
*Calculus AP test May 19th, the same day as SEAP Exhibitions. Shit. I think I'll get a 3.
*Statistics AP test May 21st, the same day as the Senior picnic. Shit. I think I'll get a 4.
*Makeup work = sux0rs. Progressing, but sux0rs. I'm at Ch. 7 (logs) in Calc, and Ch. 11.2 (2 test Z and T stuff) in Stats.
*SEAP Exhibition practice May 12th, last day May 21st, graduation 28th.
*The combination of several things means that Ryan isn't a very happy person right now. Battling inner perfectionism, depression, paranioa, grades, college, money, recovery (mostly the surgery), family stuff, my ex-girlfriend (pathetic, I know) and other things means that I need help. That's why I'm going through therapy. Maybe that will help.

Crap AOL
*Somebody hacked my s/n. AOL locked down our account and we just recently fixed it. Expect the s/n shift any day now.

Friends
*Eric- I'm really mad that I missed the Metallica concert (just like that Eagles concert last year)- but it's entirely my fault. I appreciate the effort to get me tickets, but I should've just sucked it up and bought one. Sorry. I really like the tour shirt though! Thanks!
*Kevin- I'm really still not sure what happened with that girl from McNick, but I appreciate you redeeming yourself with another girl. Sorry, though. Turns out that I need a girlfriend, not a date to prom (see above).
*JJ- I'm really not sure what happened when you asked my ex-girlfriend to prom. Kristen and I are..........never mind. I'm over that. I wish you would've talked to me first, but there is no way I'm going to let some girl break up our friendship since 6th grade. Just don't expect my blessing, ok? *tries to repress painful memories............moving on*
*Friends in general: Thanks for your numerous IMs and gestures of help and support. It means more than you know.

Graduation
*Combination Graduation party and 18th birthday on May 30th. w00t! (Note that the party happened to fall on my birthday. I'm not expecting presents, really, but it would be nice.....). If you think I forgot your invitation, I apologize. Email me at Swoop16@aol.com
*I realize that Kevin's Graduation party is also the 30th. I won't be offended if you want to go to both and only stop by mine, but I'd like to see you all there. RSVP, please!