be careful what you wish for

Current Mood: still somewhat aghast

Yesterday afternoon I was at work. I had just completed a routine lay up (layers of composite materials put under vacuum) and was mixing the two part resin to inject into the part which would complete the process. My boss (Prof S) came up to me with what he called "bad news".

He's a pretty sarcastic, joking kind of guy so I didn't even stop what I was doing. Then he proceeded to tell me that the higher ups, the powers that be, have stopped our research project.

I laughed, and asked him what new project we'd be switching over to. That's when he told me that was it. Funding stopped, project canceled, done. Zip, zilch, bagel. Nothing to switch to, no warning, scale down, or trail off, just stop what you are doing and go home, because there's no more research to be done here. No hours to be worked or money to be made, because it's all gone.

When the job was first presented to me (about a year ago) I was told it was dependent on funding, but I thought once the semester started we'd be in the clear until probably summertime? Apparently, not. Felt like the rug was pulled out from beneath me.

I can look at this from a few different angles-

Projects in aerospace can be somewhat ephemeral. Especially small budget college research groups in a time of defense budget cuts. Even larger programs can and do get canceled, sometimes with little or no warning. Better get used to that, if this is supposed to be my field. I've never had a job vanish like that- I always quit on my terms, usually because I was moving or for school.

All that time and effort I spent re-arranging my schedule and rides to fit in 20 hours of lab work? SUDDENLY FREE TIME. My classes are getting harder, so I should have more free time to study and do group work. Still, do I fill that free time with sleep, video games, and flex time for school (I picked up extra classes this semester, so that's helpful...)

Or do I immediately look for another job? Not much at the airport now, and I don't really have transportation to get to a more normal job (cashier, waiter, etc.), even if I could find one and if they were flexible with my schedule. Last time I job searched, it was pretty bare bones (although, in a roundabout way, not having a job helped me have time to do well in school which led me to this job...)

Is it too late/do I want to try and find a class to TA? I don't particularly like teaching. I would have to TA a full semester for credit before I could get paid at some point in the future.

Those summer internships I applied/want to apply for? Here's hoping they pan out! Could/should/would I go back to summer conferences if not?

I wasn't making a TON of money, and I'm not in danger of becoming homeless or anything, but it sure was nice contributing to the finances and being able to go out to eat and buy gifts and such without worrying. So here comes the money worry (again). I just want to be done with school so I can get a job and make real money, full time.

I was getting a little burnt out at work from the work, and at the same time really starting to like my coworkers. Former problem solved, latter - well, at least I'll still see these guys around school.

In the past months, I usually had not worked the full 20 hrs/week possible, usually because I was too tired, had too many classes or studying or exams or improv or places to be to really hit that mark. And I was okay with that, again, a little bit of burnout. Now...now I'm done. Do I regret not working those hours? Would that little bit of money made a difference? Am I going to need it later? Would I have learned something in those hours? Could I have done more?

*headdesk*

Can't imagine what my life would be like right now if I was single, working a real job, and suddenly had no job for reasons beyond my control. I would be a basket case. Whole lot more respect for people out there who have to deal with this kind of crap.