Maslow was right, as always

Current Mood: ramblin' man

I don't update my blog as much as I should. And when I write "should" I mean "as much as I feel like I should" or "as much as I would like to". And when I say "like to" I guess what I really mean is that it is not as high a priority as other things, which sometimes is a pathetic excuse, but in this case I really feel like it means I am out in the world doing things and learning and working and such. Yay for me?

Part of that also is that I really can't seem to condense my thoughts enough to post something with any brevity, so I procrastinate because I don't always have the gumption or energy to write out everything I'm thinking with the level of detail it deserves, so I end up stalling and stalling until I find a chunk of time, and then I write WAY too much for the casual blog that I have...which is probably what I'll end up doing right here. Fair warning.

My self imposed goal was 1 post a month and I missed last month, so I'm aiming to finish this post and then get another one in before March is over. FYI.

So why am I so busy all the time? I think when last we talked (where'd this conversational tone come from? boy I am in a weird mood today) I was all angsty and nervous about my new job, and I'm probably going to save that for the aforementioned later post... the super short version is I'm not repairing Marine helicopters but I am working very hard, learning new things, and I have my own set of projects to work on that I will describe later.

Moving on.

Life is pretty good right now, but there are some big things looming on the horizon. There are, as of this writing, 141 days until I get married. ! My role in things so far has been pretty low key - I have my tux stuff figured out and from here on out it's mostly just a matter of wrangling up the male half of the wedding party, spending time with them, and offering to help my fiancee with... well, whatever she may need. I'm trying really hard not to be one of *those guys* who sits on his ass and assumes the woman will take care of it all - I have seen up close and personal how expensive and time consuming and exhausting and detail laden this can be, and my woman isn't even close to what you could call a Bridezilla (thank god). Suffice to say the whole engagement process has been a little different than I guess I would have imagined it would be, but I'm not complaining and things seem more or less on track so far. Okay, so maybe we're a little behind and between us we have some wonderful things to work around, but I'm sure every couple has some of that.

Bleh, I bet you are all sick of reading about that, right? What else... my apartment lease ends 1 week before we get married and I have zero idea where I'm going to live after that. I'm probably retiring from the Ship of Fools improv troupe at the end of this semester and possibly joining the adult (read: professional non collegiate) troupe across the river, One Size Fits All. Which makes me feel like crap some days because I worry about the shape of the club for the next year. What few school friends I have in town from my earlier life as a Purdue Engineering student are getting ready to finish and spread into the wind, which is bittersweet. I still have two more years (and 6 more weeks of this current semester) of school, which is great but also sucks, honestly. Can I claim Senioritis at this point? Maybe some advanced mutation?

Probably the hardest thing to deal with, though, is that my fiancee is getting RIF'd (Reduction in Force - we're not firing you, but we don't have a spot for you anymore, as I understand it) at the end of this school year. And because of state budgets, tax dollars, union arguments - a sum of political and economic crap - she also does not have a chance to teach summer school, which was experience and money we were both looking forward to. Because of previously mentioned factors, it's going to be very difficult at best to find another job for her in the local area at all, much less one that is in education, that is in a good school, full time, with benefits, where she would have her own classroom, with a principal that she feels comfortable with, with co-workers that she would get along with and befriend and develop a meaningful career (not that all of those things are present at her current job, I'm just listing some things I would like for her to have).

It's looking like *if* she can find a teaching job, it may be somewhere else in the state. Forgetting for a moment how expensive it will be to try and find two places for us to live, I'm not exactly thrilled at the idea of spending our first year as a married couple (weird to write that, ack) hours (?) apart. I mean, I would absolutely do it if that's how it worked out - I need to be here to finish school for 2 more years, and she brings home the bacon - but I'm not one of those people who hates to come home to his significant other. Quite the opposite, in fact. I really enjoy coming home after a long day of class/lab/work and collapsing onto the couch to watch TV with my fiancee.

At the end of the day, I really just try to put my head down and power through, focusing on my next lab or project or exam and do what I need to do, which is get good grades and work hard so that some day my turn will come to look for a job and hopefully earn money to pay her and other people/institutions back for believing in my going to college. And I'm just optimistic enough to hope that one day, when I've got all this stuff figured out, I will be able to look back and go "oh, remember that time when everything was scary and we were so worried?". But in the meantime, it's enough to make me more than a little nervous.

One week until spring break and a little trip home.

Three weeks until my siblings (and their significant others) come to visit to see Spamalot.

Four weeks until Opening Day.