in which some of my choices are beginning to bear fruit

Current Mood: it is snowing outside. WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED?

GRAH. New year, filled with the same optimism, promises, and hopes of an arbitrary day we celebrate. Anyway, I know I've been slacking when it comes to updating here but I still cling to the hope that it's something meaningful. Even though lately I've been wondering the wisdom of spending too much time cataloging and analyzing and dissecting and listing and reposting everything, especially the minutiae and mundane things that make up most of, let's face it, mine and most other's lives. That's not to say that self reflection isn't useful (far from it), but I have to think that parroting back somebody else's work (art, music, film, whatever) is not in and of itself the same as creating your own work - good bad or awful, there is some value to the process, the struggle, the desire and effort to form a thing that was not there previously, combining and synthesizing colors and patterns, sounds, movements, shapes, concepts WHATEVER into something unique and previously nonexistent.

So my brain is filled with plenty of random chaotic thoughts, neuroses, just like everybody else. Right now I'm having trouble sleeping despite trying harder than ever to stick to a routine - go to bed around 11, get up around 7 (admittedly I've been much better this break than I ever have, but still, it's getting worse with school starting back again on Monday).

I hesitated to really bring this up back when it was a nascent idea, but also on Monday I start a new job. That's right! Not long ago I wrote this huge post about my work history and how I wish it was different, and lo and behold last semester I was kicking ass in a class - in part because I've switched to an easier major, in part because I'm not an alcohol fueled freshman dumbass, in part because I actually bother to try.

At any rate, I was doing well in my composite materials class. The first exam, the professor had an open challenge: anybody who could get a perfect score he would treat to lunch. Depending on when you asked me, I would say I either managed to get most of them correctly because I studied and the rest I guessed correctly, or I managed to make that professor pay for that slice of hubris. At any rate, the scary House-ian professor made good on his deal and took me to Pizza Hut and we had a lovely sit down. I told him of my numerous years of struggle in AAE and some about my time at Purdue. He tried to tell me that was normal - after all, his top grad student spent two whole years in AAE. His jaw hit the floor when I told him it took me almost 5 years to switch. But he seemed encouraged and told me to keep up the good work, that he might have an opportunity for me at some point in the future.

I was stoked, but tried to be realistic and not get my hopes up. After all, I was the same student in AAE, just as motivated and personable, and those classes kicked my ass and those professors barely knew my name.

Fast forward to the end of last semester-

side bar, Jenny says I still have a lot of insecurity and fear left over from AAE and I'm inclined to believe... it's now January 6th, spring classes start in 4 days, grades have been out for about 2 weeks and I'm still terrified to look at them even though all indications are that I did very well in my classes

- and my prof (let's call him Prof. S) pulls me aside at the end of lab and tells me he would like to offer me a job. ! I met him with the next week for the details:

*I will be working in the Aerospace Composites Lab at Purdue under Professor S.

*I will be a Research Assistant, working on his various projects that deal with aerospace composite structures.

*His primary project is a special repair gel for Marine Corps helicopters that cures in UV light, which negates many of the expensive/time consuming/tricky requirements of standard repairs. His assistants are helping him test this material to see if it is as strong as conventional repairs.

*I will be making some pretty solid money, 20/hrs a week. The position is for spring and fall, for now.

What else to say. Like I said, I start next week. There is a good chance Prof. S has a spot for a summer internship for me, but we'll have to see how that will mesh with my summer plans for getting married. For now, I'm just happy there's a chance. This is a real Aero Job.

Of course I can't just be happy about something, or proud, or confident, and this is no exception. Prof. S and his Main Grad Student both are kind of intimidating to me. Make that very intimidating. And I did well in the class sometimes because I have already taken two classes on a computer program we used, or lab TAs helping us in lab used my part as an example, etc. Professor thinks I'm some sort of engineering math whiz, which I don't think that I am. So we'll see what sort of work I actually am asked to do.

Not to mention I hate working and schooling at the same time. I've done it before (res. hall main office) and it really sucks sometimes. And that was more like 10 hours/week in a cushy office where I could usually do homework. So here's hoping my 6 more credit hours this semester plus 20 work hours any other thing I might do don't pull down what might be my excellent grades from last semester?

So here's to next week... with cautious, footnote laden optimism?