twice on Sunday

Current Mood: smug

This is simply to clear up some confusion about Black Friday:

The news media frequently refer to Black Friday as the busiest retail shopping day of the year, but this is not always accurate. While it has been one of the busiest days in terms of customer traffic,^[1][2] in terms of actual sales volume, from 1993 through 2001 Black Friday was usually the fifth to tenth busiest day.^[3] In 2002 and 2004, however, Black Friday ranked second place.^[4] The busiest retail shopping day of the year in the United States (in terms of both sales and customer traffic) usually has been the Saturday before Christmas.^[5] In 2003 and 2005, however, Black Friday actually did reach first place.^[6]

And because this is too good to keep to myself, the results of MASH with my siblings:

RYAN will live in a house. He is going to marry a pile of beans, and his Mormon second wife is Samus Aran. In a move that surprises us all, he will become a Catholic priest who moonlights as an NFL quarterback. He'll drive a skateboard tied to a milkcrate, and his hidden talent is that he has the potential to be a Skip-It World Champion. He'll have a pet dolphin and cultivate a fear of prime numbers. He'll own a factory that produces factories, and his motto will be "One brick gayer!" Ryan will have four children, each with a defining characteristic... the first is purple, the second has no knees, the third is addicted to Robutussin, and the fourth sneezes when he sees the jack of spades.

BRADLEY, on the other hand, will live in Australia and marry Rosie McDonald (a cross between Ronald McDonald and Rosie O'Donnell). On their anniversary they are allowed to have an affair, and Bradley will choose to indulge with Danny Trejo (if "choose" is the right word with a man like Danny). To earn a living, Bradley will be a Duckmaster General, and Rosie will burp Tupperware. Bradley will drive a '69 Charger, and he will spend a stint in jail for putting popcorn in a tractor engine. Bradley will invent motel smart bombs, and he will have the hidden talent of being a cat juggler. He and Rosie will vacation at the World's Fair, own a sports team named the Cincinnati Zombies, and have a four-headed kid who happens to be the band Green Day.

ERICA will live in Alcatraz with husband Andy Ober. In a plot similar to that of Chuck and Larry, she will have to maintain a fake marriage to Michael McKean, and her vocation is a Chuck E. Cheese stand-in. She has a midlife crisis and becomes a fashion photographer, and she drives a sled pulled by alligators. Her hidden talent is knitting dreams, and when she puts out a folk album, it is titled Fryin' Up Some o' Sis' Greatest Grits (runner up: Whalin' & Winnin', Pickin' & Grinnin'). She has a precious heirloom: a Ziploc bag of Holocaust paraphernalia. She will have a pet peacock, she will discover Newton's other law, and she will have three kids: one is bald, one "can smoke," and the third is incapable of being chosen not-last.