expensive progress

Current Mood: existentially depressed
Current Music: "Unskinny Bop" by Poison

First, to set the mood- a survey stolen from Jennifer (happy 19th, sweetie!)

A - Available?: nope
A - Age: 19 years and 10 months
A - Annoyance: my fucking mp3 player always turning on in my pocket and draining the battery or my fucking mouse that keeps jumping all over the screen

B - Best Friends?: The Ship of Fools
B - Band: Queen
B - Birthday?: May 30th

C - Crush: Jenny
C - Car: totaled- still not replaced
C - Cat: none

D - Dead Pet's Name: Natalie, Bentley, Tasha, Ami
D - Dad's Name: Tom Garwood
D - Dog: MIA- Mer(lin) and Lance(lot)

E - Easiest person to talk to: Benji M.
E - Eggs: scrambled, rarely fried
E - Email: new! rygarwood[at]gmail[dot]com

F - Favorite color?: blue
F - Food: bosco sticks on Thursday nights
F - Foreign Language: French

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: bears
G - God: "is gonna sit this one out" -Frank Castle
G - Good Times: Friday nights

H - Hair Color: brown
H - Height: 5'5"
H - Happy: laughter

I - Ice Cream: Snickers Ice Cream Bar
I - Instrument: all manner of percussion
I - Idol: on my poster

J - Jewelry: new watch with a digital compass
J - Job: Student Office Staff until May, then I'm an Operations Assistant for the summer at Purdue
J - Jokes: improv

K - Kids: Hillel and Sci-O
K - Karate: sick of Chuck Norris
K - Kung Fu: Bruce Lee = awesome

L - Love or Lust: love
L - Longest Car Ride: Sarasota, FL - 1300+ miles
L - Lipstick or Chapstick: ew. neither

M - Milk Flavor: chocolate
M - Mother's Name: Kimberly (not Garwood anymore)
M - Movie Last Watched: Daredevil

N - Number of Siblings: 2
N - Name of Siblings: Erica and Bradley
N - Name: Ryan

O - One Wish: accomplishment
O - One Phobia: owls
O - Otter Pop: Otter Soda.

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: recently divorced
P - Part of your appearance you like best: smile
P - Part of your personality you like best: quick thinking

Q - Quick or Slow?: quick
Q - Queer or Straight?: straight
Q - Queen or King?: Queen (so many levels...)

R - Reason to smile: Beemans Gum from Benji
R - Reality TV Show: I used to be all about Survivor, and even picked the winner on the first episode 3 of 5 times
R - Right or Left: righty

S - Song Last Heard: Every Minute Every Day - Scorpions
S - Series: Arrested Development, dear god yes.
S - eriously, where'd the last one go?

T - Time you woke up: 12:55
T - Time Now: 10:51
T - Time for bed: around 2:00pm

U - Unknown: how poorly I did on my calc exam
U - Unicorns: make wishes come true
U - You are: frustrated

V- Vegetable you love: potatoes
V - Vegetable you hate: tomatoes
V - View on Politics: why is Ronald Reagan so great?

W - Worst Habit: procrastination
W - What's up?: trying to cool down
W - hy am I missing letters?

X - X-Rays: regular dental exams, torso for the past few years
X - X-Rated: um...Tenacious D?
XYZ - Xtrxm Yammering Zephyrs

Y - Year you were born: 1986
Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow?: the cover of one of the 251 projects Karen and I studied today

Z - Zoo Animal: fishes
Z - Zodiac: Gemini
Z - Zoolander?: BLUE STEEL!!


Blogging, I believe, is a self-supportive system. You write, you collect feedback, and that encourages you to continue. When you stop for a little bit, it becomes much harder to jump back in. Self momentum? At any rate, it makes it harder when you, like most people, at least partially write for an audience. If you only truly cared for your own thoughts, then perhaps an online blog isn't the best medium. So then it becomes a game of balancing what you want to write with entertainment. Not that it's a bad thing, but I try to write at least semi-entertaining posts, a change from my first posts of laundry lists of what I did each day. It also does not help that I am busy (more on this later) and I'm somewhat particular about my journal...I don't want to write every little thing that happens (it has been said that the greatest write about ideas, not people or things). To this extent, I generally intend to cover (at least in summary) what's going on, the big things, but I'd rather not write than do a half-assed job (go figure). As time slips by, it becomes harder and harder to recover what has passed, but yet it also gives a better perspective on what is truly important. Sis has been encouraging me a lot lately to blog more, and this [lengthy post] is partially for her.

Or this is all bullshit and I just haven't made time to blog.

As far as computing goes, I've attempted to make some fundamental changes in the way I go about things. I have of course switched to Firefox, which I have found to be much more streamlined (I <3 tabs) for my purposes, as well as faster and more secure, with plugins that are useful. I highly recommend the switch. Speaking of switches, I'm currently in limbo between the old (AOL) and the new (Google). My new email address, for those of you who haven't been informed, is rygarwood[at]gmail[dot]com . I am slowly transferring over 5,000 bookmarks and all of my contacts (by hand...fucking AOL) to GMail and such, which I hope will ultimately help organize things.

I have also made (as of late) a concerted to change my AIM ways (I of course still use this because the vast majority of my friends and Purdue contacts use this). When I first got to college, I rebelled against my parents and their reasonable "one hour of recreational computer time per day" rule by leaving my computer (and especially AIM) on for a week straight, sometimes. Now I have curbed this (partially because my computer fan is wheezing and I need to repair/replace it) such that I am online in the evenings, mostly. I still prefer IM to my cellular phone, however. I enjoy the freedom of being away from things at times, and not being able to be contacted.

My computer, as much as I love it, is generally too large to come home with me, as infrequently as this is becoming. Take for example Spring Break, which took place a little less than two weeks ago. I am taking the Amtrak more and more for a number of reasons:

A) The Pontiac to replace my Camry that I wrecked last summer died over the winter after being bought by dad, leaving me sans car.
B) I am too poor to replace it, after insurance, maintenance, and parking passes.
C) Dinosaur juice is getting hella expensive: > $2.50 per gallon, last I heard.
D) Dad's truck (and dad himself) have a hard time making the 8 hour round trip.
E) Mom refuses to bring me home if I won't stay with her (which I won't since they divorced).
F) Other people to come get me is too much for me to ask, in general.

Thus, as much as I am beginning to loathe the quality control and lack-of-timeliness of the Amtrak, it makes sense as far as cost and transportation goes. Spring break itself was much better than I expected. I have found that as much as I complain about my workload and such here at Purdue, I thrive in the constant pressure and keeping busy with a productive schedule and giving 110% all day, every day. Being home made me realize how much I have grown up to fit into Purdue, and how I am working at changing to stay on course. I got a lot of sleep, fortunately, and was able to borrow a car (from mom, oddly enough).

I still enjoy very much eating Cincy-style chili, but I think I am finally cured of my constant cravings for it. I love coming home and eating dad's home cooked meals, or even stuff out of our own fridge, over the repetition of the dorm food. Yes, I will probably be singing a different tune when I'm on my own in an apartment next year, but for the time being, I'm sick of it. I think I gained a few pounds, which is probably for the best. At school, there's a strict hierarchy- homework, sleep, food. In that sense, I generally eat well balanced, nutritious foods/meals...just not enough of them. Is it odd that I notice food so much on break?

At any rate, I made a concerted effort to stay busy. I went bowling with JJ, who is one of the few remaining high school friends I have (Facebook does not count). I saw V for Vendetta with David, Dan, and Eric. I thought the movie was very entertaining, but the political commentary was most likely lost on the majority of the audience from my hometown. I sometimes regret going to Purdue if only because at OSU I would see them much more and they are fantastic friends of mine. I also watched seasons 1 and 2 of Arrested Development (mostly) with Bradley. I must say that it is such an amazing show...quotable, humorous (in a smart kind of way), with double entendre, subtle slight gags, self-references, and brilliant sitcamaraderie.

I also had the pleasure of accompanying sis to Chipotle (where I ate a burrito thing the size of a small child) and then onto a special 4 person workshop for improv. It meant a lot to me that she trusted me socially, to not embarrass her in front of her close friends, but also in my improv skill to keep up with her alumni friends. I must say that in the few hours we were there, I think I gained a whole level of longform practice...it's one thing to talk about the fundamentals of improv, but when you move away from the explosive short form of the Fools and into in-depth long scenes characteristic of the Tower Players, it takes considerable mental effort to actually NOT deny things (my brain of course wants to make conversation logical!). One regret of my summer plans (more on this later) is that I won't be in Cincinnati to be a part of sis's improv team.

I went back to Amelia. I can't deny that my teachers, especially my AP teachers my senior year, have greatly influenced my academic choices, and indeed my motivations and goals for the long term. I believe that one of the greatest ways I can repay them for all that they did to get me back on track after my surgery is to stop by occasionally and let them know how I'm doing. I say this because they do seem genuinely happy when I say hi and fill them in on the details. When she learned of my acceptance into Aero, Mrs. Conway told me I'd "made them all proud", they being the teachers, I presumed. I suppose in some ways I still depend on them occasionally for support and guidance, much as I did wearing a plastic brace and reeling from Vicoden. Mrs. Kuzma is wonderful to talk to because she went to Illinois, so if nothing else she understands the Big Ten mindset, but she's very intelligent and conversational. Although she does not give me ANY sympathy for my troubles in mathematics ("when I was in college, we had to evaluate determinants and reduce row echelon form by HAND"), but she does give me advice and confidence that what I'm doing is right (for me) and even possible. I went and spilled my life story to Mrs. Barnes, the Child Focus counselor I spoke with briefly in high school after the stress from AP and school post-op. was getting me down. She is probably the only professional psychologist I have ever confided in or will in the near future, in part because of stupid reasons like being male and not wanting to talk about emotions and feelings. But I try. Unfortunately, because of academics, sometimes I connect more with my teachers than my own parents. In part because they never went to college, in part because I am so involved in this large Purdue bubble I live in and am up to my fucking eyeballs in work and mathematics, and in part because right now, I'm kinda upset with them. I don't like that they're divorced, I don't like that they fight, and I flat-out hate being in the middle, between the phone calls and lies.

Perhaps it is extended time apart from my family, or the exacerbated tension brought about by divorce, or even the natural progression of family matters and life style changes (as awkwardly bland as those statements may be), but in short, I believe it is time for me to start growing up and moving away. I constantly battle feelings of abandonment, selfishness, and family separation with this to be sure, but I simply cannot deal with the conflicts of my parents for any extended time. First, I should explain that I do love my parents deeply. I always have and I always will, for they gave me (or fostered, depending on how you look at it) the critical mindset, the determination, love, support, intelligence, protection, and encouragement to dream on an astronomical scale- literally. When I get calls from the Bursar telling me I owe 15,000 dollars last week, my first calls go to mom and dad, so please don't think that I don't want them anymore, or think for a moment that I am ready to live independently (financially, emotionally, or otherwise).

But that doesn't change the fact that I am mad as hell at them currently.

They fight. Why after [at least] three years of arguing, phone calls, domestic violence (yes! I can't believe that I'm typing this), outright LIES by both of them to each other, to my siblings, and to me, can't they work out their differences. I don't even care anymore. It's not my battle, it's not my fault, and I can't deal with it anymore. Nevermind that it's fucking with my strongest and most prominent example of an "adult" relationship on which I compare and contrast all of my relationships (even moreso since my father and I look and act so much alike). I can't deal with it! I don't want to come home sometimes.

I feel like dad is wearing down, and I'm afraid to ask him for things simply because he's simply exhausted all the time. We're growing apart. I told him (finally, after a struggle), that I don't want to hear about the "women he's seeing". It's fucking weird, and I don't care if I have to come to terms with it. Damnit, I'm rebelling for once, and I'm going to piss and moan like the teenager I still am (for a couple of months, anyway), if anybody calls me on it. I don't like even imagining it. I get frustrated when he shares things with me that honestly, I'd rather not hear about, because it puts me in an awkward position knowing things I think I shouldn't. Things I'm supposed to keep secret? If you ask me, I think the bullshit goes up the chain. Perhaps I should be flattered my father sees me as an equal and shares all this with me, but I'm still his son, and as such I feel that I shouldn't shoulder his weight. Perhaps I'm wrong on that one, but when I talk to him about stress and problems, I need him to be the father I know he is, strong, determined, an endless source of work and gritty middle class blue collar strength that I can lean on and get nuggets of cliched advice from, and not hear about his problems.

Mom is and always has been like two sides of a coin- one moment she is calm and attentive, nurturing, and giving; the next a scathing manipulative woman constantly changing positions and (lately) location. Everytime I hear from her, she's just come back from a vacation or a trip to some exotic locale, and I can't help but wonder at her financial status if she's able to afford such travels. She threw Brad out of the house earlier, and from where I sit, she's not making a very good effort to help fix things. This is of course contrasted to when I come home, when she takes me out to dinner, buys me a watch, and loans me her car. She tells me she wants to help, and to fix things, and I constantly go back and forth, wondering what she is thinking or really doing. Apparently, after the divorce was final, she refuses to pay for most things, leaving dad with almost the entire debt ("Ryan," he told me one day "the two things I never wanted to do in my life: file for bankruptcy and get divorced".) She has a sending problem, and it's not my job to fix it. Should I tell her not to get me things for my own birthday, just to help her pay for her trips?

So in essence, it's a careful line I walk simply talking to them. I need my parents. I love them. But it makes me so mad to know that they are divorced and seeing other people. I need their money and support, for them to drive me, their insurance and health coverage, and their advice. Truly trying to fix things would involve breaking trust and uncovering things that not everybody should hear. This is not my job to fix, and I hate that I feel like it is, because I know in my mind that I'm assuming the burden myself. I'm a middle child, and I seek mediation. I can't sit idly by while my family slowly drifts apart, not when things were so different not five years ago.

Mom has a lot of friends that are pilots or work for aviation companies, so cutting things off with her would potentially close off contacts that I might be able to use a job. I feel like I get resentment when I accept gifts, money, food, things like that from mom. Not to mention Mercury is no longer feeling like "home" to me. My room is still boxed up from when the roof was damaged, and I hate living out of a suitcase. I'm sure Bradley knows this all too well, being between houses for a time, but I am sick of trading off who sleeps on the couch when I come home, and who will take me back to Purdue.

It is this, and of course the positives at college, that lead me to ultimately accept that it is time for me to grow up and start moving away. I can't fix this. It's a huge drain trying to worry about it from 200 miles, and unless I come home for good, I can't do much more than observe. I'm sorry.

SO...where does that take me? This "growing up and moving away"?

For the time being, I'm going to be at Purdue. A lot. First and foremost, this keeps me about two hours closer to Jenny (not that I let something like that dictate my decision, but it happens to be a bonus and I'm listing it first). Secondly, I'm working on arranging things to stay here over the summer and get a lot done.

With no car, it's a challenge to plan out a summer of fun, but it's easier on a campus. I could break down and get a bike, or walk a few miles, or ride the bus, all manageable. I posted previously that I have accepted a position as an OA here at Hillenbrand over the summer. This is a part time job as a paper-pusher, essentially, or a "summer RA" for the various conferences, camps, and groups that filter in and out of the studentless residence halls over the summer. I will collect and distribute keys, bills, tour the hall, and basically keep an eye on things. This is a part time position. This keeps me centrally located to where I'm living at this very moment, as well as Purdue as a whole. I get free housing as part of this deal, as well as free food when there's conferences...pretty much most of the summer.

The biggest downside, of course, to such a position, is I give up a lot of freedom. Sorta like I have with my current job as SOS in the main office. I will work away from home, sometimes weekends, sometimes nights, sometimes holidays. Oh well, it's time to bite the bullet. Further compensation includes a small monthly stipend (which will probably be spent on food and entertainment, a precursor to next year's living situation), and remission of tuition. What this ultimately means is that if I fuck up classes this year, I can retake them essentially for free, or I can get a small jump start on next year's classes. So far, I'm schedule to take MA 265 (linear algebra) and MA 266 (differential equations 1) M-F from about early July to mid August, when the next school semester kicks in. This could change, however, as time continues.

Mark, my suitemate, expressed concern for my boredom over the summer. I intend to fill most of my time with work and schoolwork (hopefully producing a good performance review and a studious set of grades- I sound like such a tool). A few of my close friends will be here over the summer (such as Benji, Genia, and Alex the future roommate). I am contemplating asking for a Premium package XBox 360 for my birthday in May, mostly to stay connected with David, Dan and Eric, though I fear it's cost (upwards of 400 dollars) and detriment to my study make it less than ideal. That and there's none to be found, fucking Microsoft. Should I purchase my first game system when games themselves are $50, and the system itself is so pricey? The online gaming is pretty sweet, though. I could also ask for a bike, and try to start some sort of semi-disciplined workout/biking and exploration of Purdue during the summer- that would be good in a lot of ways, but of course I loathe exercise especially compared to video games.

The last of my summer plans were made today, when I made a bold move that turned out very well. Yesterday, discussions with Hiren (3West RA and senior Aero) led me to consider some sort of research position to fill my time and diversify my skills within Aero. Oh, and perhaps learn something, too. A quick review of my options:

*AAE 203 with Professor Corless- dry aeromechanics and vectors taught by a dry professor with a creepy penchant for Pink Floyd. I'm not exactly a huge fan of mechanics.
*AAE 251 with Doctor DeLaurentis- one of my favorite classes, a dynamic and vibrant class taught by a professor that makes jokes.

HRM.

Earlier in the year, Dr. D (actually, it's "Doctor Dan DeLaurentis", formally, but I suppose calling him "Triple D" would just earn me disapproving looks from Brad) invited students to visit him in his office hours, and I stopped by to say hello. He took note of the visit on a pad (I was...third?). When I visited him today, he pulled out his list (now up to five) and knew my name.

I skipped the idle chit-chat because he's a busy man, and I asked him if I could work with him over the summer. I told him about my part time job and that living here would leave me with plenty of time and energy to help over the summer. I acknowledged that I am a starting sophomore Aero and I don't even know which specialization (design, propulsion, aerodynamics, structures & materials, or dynamics & control) I wanted to focus in, but that I wanted to work to increase my knowledge, skills, and of course my resume and references, perhaps even job connections. I told him I would fill out any forms and even help for free. I told him I would work in a lab or do research, or whatever he could offer, if anything.

He kinda just sat there, stunned for a moment, like he didn't expect any of his students to want to help. From what I knew, most summer positions were coveted spots, horrible application processes whereby the best of the best competed for a few spots, and I assumed I was already too late (it being slightly over a month from the end of this year). He told me that yes, I could definitely help (most likely paired with a senior or grad student), and took me down to the Design Lab to introduce me to some of his students, right then and there. He told me to contact him at the end of the semester and we would work something out.

Score. I'm looking forward to it. I don't care if they want me to get coffee and watch as they work on the National Aerospace Plane (one of Dr. D's projects), systems engineering, MATLAB, or anything. I will soak it up. One of the grad students, when we met, told me they'd "get the chains and whips". I just stared at him and thought:

I've been hazed by Benji "Boom Boom" Milanowski (and the rest of the Fools). I've made him lose a game of Gay Chicken. I've done more improv scenes with more outrageous characters than anything these guys could come up with. I say bring it.


This of course brings me to improv. It's worth stating again:

The Ship of Fools & Andy Ober Orchestra
8 pm, Friday, March 31st 2006
Matthews 210 (free)

The Fools have been soaring to greater and greater heights lately, and I'm pretty sure this Friday will be our biggest show in...ever. That's not to make any less of the past few shows I've forgotten:

(last month)
Show: McCutcheon Show
Venue: TV lounge, McCutcheon Hall
Audience: ~40 McCutcheon residents (surprisingly)
Fools: Stu, Cowboy, Freshman, Andy, T. Rex, Spanke, Wes, Paul, Matt
Comments: I hate to say that any of our shows are "standard", but this was a pretty typical show for us. We arrived to set up the popcorn and seats, but fortunately lots of people showed up at just before the show, giving us a large audience (especially given the location). We went through a solid performance (the highlight probably being Wes's terrible [terribly FUNNY] deaf interpretation of Chuck Norris and almost destroying the front audience row that included Jenny) and wrapped up another successful midweek dorm show.
Unofficial winner: Matt. For handling an unusual suggestion with clean humor and tact that smoothed over a rough edge of an otherwise smooth show. And of course his typical energy.

(Sunday afternoon, Adar 5)
Show: Purim Carnival
Venue: Hillel
Audience: ~20 very young children and about a dozen adults
Fools: Freshman, Matt, Cowboy, Andy, Ashley, Wes, Stu, Benji, Paul, T. Rex
Comments: We definitely were expecting more adult audience for this show, but that in now way lessened the Jew-centric fun we had this day. We sampled many kosher and delicious foods (including "Jewish triangle cookies filled with goodness", or hamantaschen.) We did games like 60 Second Alephbet (using the English alphabet) and Kvetch Concerto. I know Ashley, Stu, Benji, and especially Andy (our Foolish Jews, to various degrees) enjoyed the performance for the spirit, and all of the Fools did a great job adjusting the humor to simple and slapstick for the younger audience.
That's not to say the kids were not a fantastic audience. They didn't seem to understand non sequiturs, but the suggestions like "black market dealer", and specifically "computer technician from Cleveland" [for me] seemed to give the Fools as much laughter as the audience.
Comeuppance, they called it. Hilarity, I called it.
Unofficial winner: Jews. After thousands of years of persecution, this day was totally theirs. Specifically those adorable kids.

(this past Saturday)
Show: Pre-Awards Entertainment Show for the Indiana Science Olympiad
Venue: Elliot Hall of Music
Audience: ~1700 middle and high school students, parents, and coaches
Fools: Ashley, Benji, Stu, Cowboy, Freshman, Spanke, Paul, SOG (first show)!, and T.Rex
Comments: Wow. Since joining the Fools, I've always harbored a secret desire to perform at Purdue's largest venue, EHoM (thank you Paul, for noting the Wiki entry). It's our largest hall, where OAR, John Mellencamp, and George Carlin have performed. I never thought we'd be taken seriously enough, though. Until of course, we rocked their freaking socks off there.
Our standard "More Waffles Please" was deafening from backstage (note: the "green room" is truly green at Elliot) and it set an enthusiastic pace for our (short) 45 minute performance. My mic was flakey, but that didn't stop me from telling the Two Person Story of Buggs Bunny and Juliet (and his eventual boyfriend), acting out Professor Pop-Tart, reporting on the G-rated antics of Pamela Anderson, or even completing a stupendous Three Things with Benji (whom I felt was our MVP of the show) and John in 90 seconds. Even the audience volunteers were hilarious. Matt showed up at the last minute to see us, and SOG did well at his first performance. Despite a few tiny mishaps, it was truly amazing.
Unofficial winner: The Ship of Fools. This was a huge milestone. I kinda feel like I personally have helped get us to this level of performance, and I can now cross "performing at the largest venue at Purdue for over 1500 people" off my list...something I never imagined would be ON the list when I first got here at BGR.

See other writeups: Paul Sci-O, Paul Hillel, and Benji Sci-O

To what can we attribute the recent successes of the Ship of Fools? Certainly we have to thank our loyal fans, who show up to every show, private or not, sit in front of the new fans, volunteer for games, and cheer, clap, and "ahhhhhhhh" when the others are shy or don't know. Truly, our art of comedy would be dead without the audience.

Other things include aggressive marketing, flyers, positive word of mouth and reputation, professionalism, communication, showmanship and entertainment, as well as discipline and practice. That, and we're pretty damn funny, especially considering we truly try to be funny with puns, word games, clever jokes, and mime and gibberish (instead of vulgarity, cusswords, and toilet humor).

We've performed at almost every single residence hall on campus, which I think is significant. We've opened for professional comedians and Comedy Orchestras, done a paid corporate holiday gig, shook up Elliot, performed charity events to fight cancer , and even performed out of state with other groups. I truly think that our clean comedy, professionalism, and dedicated practices help us get invited back to perform other shows and increase our range and confidence.

Unfortunately, like a great college football team at the peak of it's depth chart (did I use that one right? anybody?), the Fools are losing some heavy comedic talent this semester (or, as Jenny pointed out, a great team that must eventually give up their star QB). Graduating seniors include Matt (Mechanical Engineering Technology, working for CAT), Paul (as a CS grad student), Ashley (theatre production), and Spanke (double major in psychology and literature, I believe). Wes has temporarily bowed out (commitments to his wife, engineering, and Sarah, his other wife), and of course Klaus and Andy Ober, comedic giants cut down in their prime, have left to join the workforce. They will be missed.

>I just realized that this post is A) huge and B) linked like a good Wiki article. I promise I'm not just trying to plug our show, but instead provide you with genuine information you may want to read up on.

Any time I think of this changing of the comedic guards, I think of Woody from Toy Story comforting the toys with "Nobody's being replaced!". This is of course very true and completely applicable to our present situation. The unique and varied personalities I have come to know, laugh with, and tolerate are people I truly enjoy performing with. I have never been on such a team before, and I'm glad I am.

Elections are coming up. After attrition, the senior members of the Fools include myself, John Tubergen (future roommate #2), and Benji. I am curious to see how that will play out. In addition, Kyle Dejute will come back from across the pond and rejoin us with her beautiful voice and hopefully more comedic talent. Recent additions to the Ship of Fools include John "Cowboy" Clawson, Stuart "Stu/Stubert/Sogle/BO/Bottle Opener/Body Odor/Shirley Temple" Ogle, and in the past few weeks Alex "Son of God" Semchuck. I am happy to have them onboard and look forward to growth, expression, hilarity, and a lot of interesting shenanigans from these guys. Of course, that's not to say we're not on the lookout for new members (because we totally are. We can always order new shirts).

And speaking of personal growth, what does that mean to me? I have always mentioned to Mrs. Barnes that in general, most everything I do for leisure becomes in some way an attempt to develop myself. I read science magazines for entertainment, and I play video games with an aim at developing speed and coordination as well as tactical and strategic critical thinking. Most things I do not enjoy involve sitting and doing nothing (i.e. The Sims). I am constantly trying to find meaning in things to always improve and optimize things, always thinking, analyzing, etc. It's probably one of my best and worst qualities.

To that end, I seem to have done the same with improv. The jovial nature has obscured my own subconscious categorization and structuring of improv, but it's there. I recognize a subtle (but recognizable) increase in confidence, public speaking ability, vocabulary, logical and rational thinking, speed, wit, social skill, impromptu speaking ability, and recognizing mannerisms in other people. It's all very subtle, and I'm glad I'm having too much fun to think about it too much. But I'm also glad I am gaining other skills besides just acting like a Fool.

Unfortunately, I don't typically get to express the wide range of skills at my job in the office and mailroom. I didn't expect this to be a launchpad to a lifelong career, but I do seem to have stagnated at this job. Fortunately, I'm within a month and a half of finishing. I continue to work between 10 and 12 hours a week, asking off for evening exams and performances, rarely picking up shifts. I am working from now until the end of the school year, through Grand Alternative and Grand Prix Week (3rd week of April), studying and working during Dead Week (last week of April), Finals (first week of May), and Senior Week (week after), where I finish there and start training for the summer job. Evaluations are coming up...I'm not worried, but I know that I'm not giving this job 100%. I am grateful that I get a paycheck and can go out to eat a few times a week and buy Jenny a few things, and I am grateful I can sometimes get homework done at workwork. Still, after getting scolded for leaping over the counter after a customer and accidentally forgetting to check a resident ID for a key, I know that I have to stay focused. We do have an awards banquet coming up and my boss has decided to throw us a grillout at his house. Huzzah!

I will continue to work at Hillenbrand (or that's the plan, at least) Hall as a Student Office Staff next year. Most likely I will reduce my hours to the barest minimum in order to keep my sanity and to stay on top of things (things I intend to keep for next semester, like a relationship). I will be living off campus a few blocks behind Krannert School of Management (or something?...my lack of concern for accuracy is a direct relation to it's non-engineering or science relation) with Alex (president of the DDR club that meets during improv) and John. It's going to be crazy nerdy fun. I'm thinking a board game night, improv night, and probably classic sci-fi night (Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek, Babylon 5, etc). I just hope we can combine our intellect to cook and clean. Here is another place where a bike would prevail over an XBox (being away from class and in an apartment with many gaming systems from the others). I also found out the laundry facilities are across the street. Wonderful.

Coming up (either over the summer or in the Fall):
ME 200: Thermodynamics (death)
MA 265: Linear Algebra (retake...ugh)
MA 266: Differential Equations 1 (finally! out of calculus and into the diff.eq. [acceptable substitutes for that sentence are "frying pan" and "fire", respectively])
AAE 204: Aeromechanics and Structures Lab (ugly lab reports)
PSY 120: Intro To Psychology (hey, I gotta take an easy Gen. Ed sometime, right?)
HIST XXX: I may or may not pursue a history minor...

Well, it's getting late. I've been writing for a few hours now and I'm surprised if anybody will read to this point. So far, my copy in MS Word is just over 14 pages, so I'm sure compressed into Blogger, this will be one long post. I think that just about takes care of March. Honestly, I think this post warrants some reflection. I should probably update more often, despite the cathartic feeling I got from this post. I leave you with something sis suggested I write:

RYAN'S SHOWER-GOING ODYSSEY, IDEA COURTESY OF BRADLEY GARWOOD.

First and foremost, I strictly maintain a separation of the shower region of the bathroom. I am against shaving or brushing of the teeth whilst showering. But that's just me. I am also against electric toothbrushes (similar to electric can openers, because of the relative energy cost to do something simple), but I am very much for electric razors for time efficiency.

As far as shower products go, I prefer P&G products (since I grew up in Cincy) and I am a classic bar soap man like my father. I use Safeguard (either ivory or classic white) as my main cleansing agent, though I am a little annoyed lately that it has been drying out my skin. Other than that, I enjoy the clean feeling and pleasant light scent. Oooh! Sometimes for Christmas I get a scented bar of soap from Bath and Body works, that smells like arctic or forest or tundra. They have knobs on the bottom for massage and they're pretty friggin' sweet.

In the shampoo department, I prefer to use classic Head & Shoulders on my curly hair, and unlike Bradley, I enjoy the tingle of the new zesty formula. Generally when I use other people's showers, that's when I use conditioners. It shakes things up and gives me a chance to sample the variety without committing to something that may not be optimal for my hair type.

I do not like the smell of Old Spice ("Old Man", more like it), and I don't like Tag or Axe or any of the new body sprays- they're way too strong. They're sometimes used by tools to cover up their natural odor. I use Speed Stick deodorant and typically go for active smells like "Ocean Surf" or "Lighting Breeze", or something like that.

I have soft skin and short hair, so after my bi-weekly shave I get pretty bad razor burn. To counteract this, I go for Neutrogena Men: Post Shave Lotion (a recent acquisition) and I find that the slightly funky smell is a small price to pay for the generous cool feeling I get on my face and neck. On rare occasions I use Gillette aftershave I stole from dad. It smells really good but it's rationed for dates and such.

Finally, we come to the matter of teeth. I have no strong preference for gels vs. paste. I generally pick Colgate, though Crest is perfectly acceptable. I typically go for "with whitening" or some other aftermarket add-on, but I haven't found an appreciable difference. I do not like strong mint or citrus in my brushes, however, because I don't feel clean. I have a death grip on my brush and change toothbrushes every few months. Since I have extensive dental work to deal with, I use reinforced Johnson & Johnson floss and GUM threaders for my flossing needs.

I'm not big on mouthwash, but every once and a while I reach for my tried-and-true Listerine. Scope tastes too sweet. I prefer blue over orange or green Listerine, and although it makes me tear up to go the full 30 seconds, dear god do I feel clean after some of that stuff. I feels like it's partially oxidizing my mouth. Any germ that can survive that kind of treatment deserves to live in my mouth.