"you can't uninstall evil"

Ah, the joys of a three day weekend. It's a wonderful feeling not having to worry about homework or responsibilities on Sunday night. I wanted to write about school earlier, but perhaps it's better that I waited. Otherwise, you'd would've seen a post early in the week full of optimism and happiness and a post later in the week where things weren't so good and I was sick.

Saturday marked the 1 year anniversary of my back surgery (haha, shameless self link here). I know that some people take a surgery of that magnitude and turn it into a theatre production, play for sympathy, and try to stretch out that sort of crutch as long as they could. I definitely was out of commission from January to Spring Break my senior year at Amelia, and I'll admit that I was pretty bad. Beyond that, though, I tried to keep it to myself and not let that be a stumbling block. I put aside all the pain and obstacles and it became one more marker on the road to my goal. Once I took off my brace I never looked back. It's odd for me to think about now. At this moment I can't see the scar or the rods. It's something I think about from time to time. When I sleep, I'll roll over and something insides me shifts- I know it's there. I put on my shirt and can't feel the tag. I try not to let it become something that people think of when they think of me, at least not immediately or definitively. The scar has faded some, but I still remember vividly every day I spent in the hospital. The excruciating physical pain that hit me every time I moved, the aching sores I got after hours of not moving in the hospital bed. The feeling of my academics slipping away every day I stayed home, dependent on pills just to get up to eat or sleep for more than a few hours. The loneliness of recovery. I just...I just don't know how to act with it anymore. I'm trying the best that I can to pretend it isn't there anymore.

Coming up soon I have to go back to Cincinnati to take care of some business. That's gonna be real fun. Leave Friday afternoon after class (about 5) and get home close to 9, spend all Saturday filling out my FAFSA and getting my cellphone exchanged for one that works out here. Then I get to drive home on Sunday. Bam. A whole weekend down the drain. Pretty much the only good thing is some Gold Star.

I got raped GPA-wise last semester. I didn't get lower than a C in any of my classes, but that's about it. I'm pretty sure that excluded me from getting into the co-op 5 semester program, but that's just one option. There was a small uh, how shall we say, discrepancy in my final Engineering 106 grade. Fortunately, I met with the professor and it had nothing to do with me. I'll just have to do better this semester, that's all.

Speaking of this semester, it's damn cold out. I woke up this morning and there was a blanket of snow everywhere. I haven't left McCutcheon all day. I also got sick for the first time in a long time starting Thursday and missed Friday night improv. Mostly I've just been relaxing in the dorm watching movies and the NFL playoffs.

This semester I’m taking 4 classes for a total of 17 credit hours. I’m in English 106 (Freshman English), Physics 152 (Mechanics and Dynamics for Engineers), Chemistry 116 (General Chemistry II), and Mathematics 162 (Calculus and Analytical Geometry II). I can't say much because it's only been one week, but I have three really hard classes (Calc, Chem, and Physics) and one easy one (English). Scheduling wise, I am happy that my earliest class is 9:30 twice a week and 11:30 the other days (with the exception of a Physics lab every other Thursday morning at 7:30). Most days end around 5, a fair trade for getting real sleep. Hell, I might even make it to breakfast some of these days. I was disappointed to find out that out of 80 Chemistry TAs in the department, I managed to keep mine from CHM 115 to CHM 116, only to lose him when he was transferred. In keeping with Calculus tradition, I've gone from an Indian TA that I cann't understand to a Chinese TA that I can't understand. Good schedule, 1/4 easy classes, a need to boost my GPA before I apply for an engineering school, no real change in TAs...looks like I have my work cut out for me.

I did forget to mention that Jason got me an MP3 player for Christmas. It was a very nice gift (it also works as a jump drive, w00t) and it really was a curveball. See, for the longest time I've worked with Windows Media Player and dealt with the innumerable frustrations it's sent my way. Not to mention my music files were rife with crap I'd recklessly downloaded from Cdigix (Purdue music service). So, in a fit of frustration, I deleted everything music related on my computer, along with every music file I'd ever put on it. Then I downloaded iTunes and re-ripped every CD I had into MP3s. Took me about 4 days to put it all back together, but I think it all worked out for the best. Now I've got the classic tunes of the 70s and 80s walking to class (well, when it's not 10 below) as well as the suprisingly slick iTunes.

"History is replete with the regrets of people who gave up, not knowing their goal was just beyond the next hill." -Purdue President Martin Jischke