6.19.2004

Blech- this doesn't quite feel right

I can't seem to get off this "posting every other day about what I did at David's" or "what I bought today."

Honestly, I've never gone this long (a whopping three weeks) without any real pressing concerns or responsibilities (being really young doesn't count). And it doesn't quite feel right. Is this ok? Am I allowed to take a summer off? I feel, for some odd reason, compelled to work or something. Don't get me wrong... I don't want to work, and I really enjoy hanging out... but this feels wrong.

I don't know if I should've gotten my hair cut so short. It sticks up in funny places and it feels weird. Why does my real hair grow so fast and my face hair grow so slow?

I seem to be at an interesting point in my life here. I find that A, the "me" that was supposed to be temporary (that is, the post-surgery me before college) ends up being really popular [relative], happy, and liked. Moreover, I wonder if that people even have temporary selves, if we just go from phase to phase and whatever we are we are. Put another way.....I wonder if this awkward post-surgery post-high school pre-college self is just me, and I have to accept it, or if it's something that will go away.

B, I seem to be stuck in a grey area (and you know how much I hate that). Not quite "kid" not quite "adult" (again, with the debate over being forced into a group or accepting what I am as what is). I still enjoy fun simple stuff, going to school, playing video games, spending the night at friend's houses, etc., but I also consider the more adult stuff, drinking, clubbing, college, girls, etc.

I'm afraid none of that was too terribly articulate. I apologize.

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