Your days are numbered, HP Pavillion "674OC"..........

Our computer is old. And slow. And a piece of crap. It's about 5 years old, and between all my astronomy software, flight sims, my brother's civilization and war games, my dad's business/reports/picture files, the music, the programs, the 1 current version and 3 corrupt versions of AOL, and my mom's 3 businesses all on the hard drive, it's a wonder I can can get on at all. Every once and a while, I have to Ctrl+Alt+Del the thing and/or I get the blue screen of death. Basically, my computer is too old, too slow, too bogged down to be of use to 5 people anymore.

And now, it realizes this.

Every damn day now, I get the blue screen of death. Critical errors and "flagrant system errors" freeze the screen constantly, and with all the re-booting going on, it looks like a disco over here. I get booted off AOL with no warning, and anything- just anything- taxes the system to the limit. Heck, even the clock is messed up- right now, it says "7:16 PM." Strong Bad e-mails take me, no joke, 10 minutes to load, and "The end of the world" takes 45 minutes.

My dad is getting a new computer for the family/his business for Christmas. I helped him (with David's help, mostly) pick out the specs, and we're going to get it over Christmas break. A brand new computer, top of the line, with AOL/broadband, the works.

All too late, however, I realize that our current computer senses this. It's gained a sentience, a primordal fear that stems from replacement. It knows it's obsolete........it's on the proverbial "Death Row"......and it's doing everything it can to stop us.

It's fighting back the only way it can.

The computer............knows............
The computer............is fighting back

"I'm sorry Dave........I can't allow that"
-HAL, of 2001: A Space Odyssey