which is worse - messing with Texas or the Sasquatch?

Current Mood:  frankly, a bit confused

With the caveat that I haven't really gone off the main roads (from the northwest corner to Dallas/Ft. Worth, Austin, then San Antonio), here are some thoughts about Texas so far:

-In my experience, everything isn't bigger in Texas.  I've seen smart cars, green fueling stations, and eco-houses.  Buildings are normal sizes, portion sizes are the same, and the roads are large in big cities, just like anywhere else.
-The state, however, is enormous.  Things are far apart in Texas, because you could fit most of the Midwest in here.
-After Hispanic, I think the most populous minority I've seen here is Czechoslovakian.  Did not see that one coming.  Props to the Czechs out there with billboards like "Check in at the Czech Inn" and "Czech and Loan".
-I wonder how the Dallas Zoo stacks up to, say, a world class zoo like Cincy's.
-Warm.  Hot, actually, to me, but I've been told by reputable sources that I ain't seen nothin' yet (dun dunnn, b-b-baby I ain't seen nothin' yet).  Probably less humid than Indiana, but it's no Colorado.  Also the weather has been messing with my sinuses something fierce.  I've been told I'll get used to it, but I forsee an uphill battle with that one.  I'm allowed to wear shorts to work, thank god.
-I saw a billboard advertising a show by Clint Black.  Couldn't tell you what he sounds like, but I know he was in Maverick.
-I cannot get used to an area that lives in perpetual summer.  Some of the rest stops here are open air bathrooms, like at a campground.  The roads - oh, the roads - there's stuff on all of them, little raised bumps and reflectors and knobs that would get destroyed by a snowplow, plus the drainage slopes and runoff drains are way different [I took a road design course at school, okay?  cut me some slack]. 
-This Dallas building ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infomart ) was based on this building ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Crystal_Palace ).  They may look the same, but boy does the original sound a whole lot classier.
-I saw a hotel proudly advertising an "indoor heated swimming pool".  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??
-Thankfully, my fears that everybody would be speaking with a deep southern accent and I wouldn't be able to understand them have not come true.
-Texarkana is both a region AND a city, much to my chagrin.
-Colorado has King Soopers, Texas has Tom Thumb.  Strange, strange world.
-I returned my car to DFW airport and got seriously lost.  Not a pleasant experience, and it may take some time before I'm comfortable driving there again.
-Texas roads have these tiny little exit ramps on the left side of the road.  Normally, this would not be a problem, as we have left side exits in Ohio sometimes.  It becomes a problem when I don't know where I'm going, so I drive a normal speed like 70 mph, and to avoid upsetting people going 90, I drive in the right hand lane.  Then my GPS says "keep left", which I always assumed to mean "ahead, there will be a choice, and you want to take the one that is not on the right" but apparently is code for "go left right now, seriously, do it".  Now I'm forced to either ignore my directions and get lost, or force my way into a much faster and aggressive stream of traffic just to immediately dive off the road and screech to a halt, because the tiny exit is completely full of cars.
-Very glad I did not try to drive down here in a car without A/C.

-New burgers! 
Jack in the Box: okay, a little too big
In and Out Burger:  delicious, would eat again
Whataburger:  TBD

I remember as a kid driving to Florida on a family vacation.  When we reached the state line, I was extremely disappointed to learn that it looked a lot like the highways of Alabama, that is to say a divided freeway with a grass median and deciduous trees on either side.  I was expecting a literal line of sand, palm trees, perhaps a hammock with a crab wearing sunglasses and holding a Corona.  Or maybe orange juice.

Apparently my notions of US geography and climate are entirely founded on a very simple puzzle I worked ad nauseum at my grandmother's house.  Y'know the one, where Idaho's entire identity is a giant potato, and Maine is a lobster, and I'm pretty sure both Dakotas are Mt. Rushmore.

Another example - when I went to Seattle, and it didn't rain, I was pissed.  That's like... the Seattle thing.  It didn't feel right until we got soaked.

What the hell does this all have to do with Texas?  Well, when we got to the state line of Texas I expected sprawling ranches of cowboys driving longhorn steer around.  I expected giant cities full of gleaming neon signs of boots with spurs.  I expected every gal to have giant blonde hair and say "y'all" (I actually have met a few of them, actually, but not enough to fit my world view) and every man to look like Clint Eastwood.  I expected everything to be a brown desert, with cacti and tumbleweeds and saloons.

I know it's not football season, but I would have thought that after a week here, I would've seen more than ONE Cowboys jersey (thank you, mail room guy).

Am I missing something?  Do I need to go to like, Amarillo?  Lubbock?  Odessa?  A movie set?  I am craving the Texas experience, and so far, this place looks like Dayton, OH.*

So far, Texas, I am disappoint.





*not really a compliment